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Don't be a Pushover
Self-Esteem is the Key
Don’t Be a Pushover
It is a mistake to look at someone who is self assertive and say, 'It's easy for her, she has good self-esteem.' One of the ways you build self-esteem is by being self-assertive when it is not easy to do so. There are always times when self-assertiveness requires courage, no matter how high your self-esteem." ― Nathaniel Branden
Being caught constantly in situations you feel you have no control over and can’t do anything about is an awful feeling and may eventually erode self-esteem. When you’re the losing party of every situation, it’s time to find out what you can do to change the tide.
First, you have to develop the right mindset and determination to learn the assertiveness skills you need to stand up for yourself. If you’ve had a passive personality all your life, this may be a difficult task, but with a little work and understanding of yourself, you’ll be able to quit being a pushover and enjoy life to the max.
Pushovers have trouble saying “no” to anyone – bosses, relatives, spouses and children to name a few. People can easily take advantage of your “good” nature and talk you into doing things that either go against your values and belief system or which take up so much of your time that you have none left for you or the most important people in your life.
To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough." ― Edith Eva Eger
First, you must determine that you really matter. When you avoid confrontation or say “yes” when you mean “no,” you’re really saying that your opinions, ideas and feelings don’t matter. That doesn’t mean you’re a weak person – it only means that you don’t have the assertiveness skills you need to take up for yourself.
Becoming assertive doesn’t mean that you have to say “no” to everything – just because you can. It does mean that you can identify the things you really want to do and say “yes” to those – without taking up valuable time with doing someone else’s chores or assignments.
Express Yourself – And Don’t Apologize
An important part of learning to be assertive is to learn how to express yourself concisely and firmly. Don’t mince words when expressing yourself – and don’t apologize for the feelings and beliefs you have.
People close to you may find it difficult to accept the new assertive you and miss the old personality that was available at their beck and call. Eventually, these same people will come to respect you for the stand you’re taking.
As you move farther away from the pushover personality, you’ll become stronger and more self-confident in the actions you decide to take. You may have some setbacks along the way, but stick with it and you’ll develop the confidence you need and desire to accomplish all the things you desire of life.
"Once you have a major success with assertiveness, you learn that it's a much healthier path than being a doormat to the insensitive folks. You gain respect for yourself, have more time for your priorities, and develop authentic and healthier relationships." ― Doreen Virtue
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