Are you a Difficult Person?

Questions to Ask Yourself

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

Are You a Difficult Person?

“In order to master compassion, you have to spend time getting to know monsters. When you can do that you will see that there are no monsters, only people that acted like monsters because no one gave them the time or compassion to hear their story.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Everyone is difficult at some point in their lives, and of course, we’ve all dealt with plenty of difficult people in both our professional and personal lives.

But when being difficult becomes a lifestyle instead of a once-in-while thing, it’s time to take a deeper look.

It’s hard to face the fact that you might be a difficult person, but doing so might lend some insight into areas of your life that need work, and that’s valuable information to have.

If you’re unsure if you’re a difficult person, here are a few ways to detect your “difficultness”:

• You feel excluded. If you feel as if you have no group of friends or you don’t fit in with your co-workers, it can be an awful feeling. Maybe you feel as if you’re always the last to know things, or you seem to always be the “odd man out.” If this is the case, take a look at your behaviour when you are with co-workers or friends. Seek out feedback, and consider that feedback honestly, without anger or judgment, when you receive it. Often, people will simply avoid a difficult person rather than offer unsolicited feedback, so you may have to go searching for it.

• Your self-worth is low. When things don’t work out the way we’d like to, it can take a toll on your self-esteem. Or, it’s possible that the way you were raised has had an effect on how you value yourself. Everyone is good at something, so find the things that you’re good at, and then find ways to contribute using those skills and talents. We especially recommend volunteering using the unique talents you have. It will raise your self-esteem to new heights, and you’ll also be helping others, which feels great!

• You feel negative. Everyone has bad days, but if you always find things to complain about, others will feel the need to distance themselves from you. Most positive, productive people have little tolerance for people who constantly complain but don’t take any action to change what they don’t like. Think about the things you say, and the thoughts that are floating around in your brain… are they mostly positive, or mostly negative? If they’re mostly negative, learn to acknowledge your negative thoughts, but immediately turn them around into something positive. And every time you feel something negative, or a complaint, coming out of your mouth, just stop. If you can’t turn it around and say something positive, don’t say anything at all.

Self-reflection is the key!

We change the world by changing ourselves and in order to do that we need to know ourselves. Finding the time to create some space for your thoughts, for honest personal reflection is essential.

That does not mean you find a quiet corner to “beat yourself up” and remind yourself, of who you have been, but that you create the space to create who you want to be.

The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination… until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” – Iyanla Vanzant

“Self-reflection is the gateway to freedom. It also brings greater appreciation and enjoyment. We begin to enjoy spending time with our own minds, and we enjoy reflecting on our experience of the teachings. Like the sun emerging from behind the clouds, the teachings of the dharma become clear.” – Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche

Alan /|\